Sometimes, it's hard to believe that it's been seven years since we had our son, Connor.  I remember first posting on Cherubs and there were moms there who had lost their children five years ago - wow, I wondered....what would life be like five years, ten years, later?  At that point in my grief, I couldn't imagine what the next day would be like, much less the next year. 

Now, this will be the seventh Thanksgiving without Connor.  It's hard to not spend at least a little time wondering what life would be like if he had lived.  What would he have looked like?  What kind of kid would he have been?  What would our lives be like?  The other day we were at my nephew's soccer game.  In the field next to his, I heard someone yell out, "Connor!"  I looked over and realized it was a bunch of seven year old boys running around on the soccer field.  It hit me.  That could have been my Connor.  My eyes immediately filled with tears.  I was so taken aback by that.  I hear the name Connor all of the time.  In the beginning, when I heard it I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  It literally took my breath away.  But as the years passed, the pain lessened.  So I was suprised by my reaction the other day, but in those moments, I realize how this grief will follow me forever.  It may not always be the biggest part of me, but it will always be with me.  My son.  I barely knew you but my heart aches for you, always...  The tears never dry up. 

And so this is why I do Connor's Books.  To honor my son.  To make the world a better place because of him.  Because I hope to be a better person because of him.  Because even  though he lived for only 14 hours, I want the world to know of him - to know how special and wonderful he was.  Because he deserves to not be forgotten.  I want a child to hold a book from Connor's Books in their hand and feel special, feel loved because of Connor.